Celebrating beauty

"I am not beautiful" flashed on the screen. I stared at it for a while. I was amused, a little moved by this heartfelt declaration. Who was this girl, I wondered who opened up, what she thought was her flaw to a Perfect Stranger on Chat.

Chats- yes! My lifeline to relationships .It was at that time when India was slowly opening its eyes to the internet. Computer owners were few. Internet service providers minted money through cyber cafes that mushroomed at every junction in cities. Cyber cafe became synonyms with chats for bachelors like me who used to get instant gratification of virtual friends with the blessing of No Strings Attached. So after working my best for 6 week days I made a beeline to the nearest cyber cafe. Every Sunday avoiding the disapproving glances of regular Church goers, I, headed towards my 'Church'

Yahoo messenger had picked up very well and I could see the rise in the number of online chats. Many were available online and the moment you login they rush into your space to know your ASL (age, sex, location) the first preference being sex. The rest were negotiable. I been no different enjoyed chatting with the sweeter gender. It was during such times when she came along. I promptly typed "ASL please" and she said--- I am not beautiful. I pride myself on my ability for one liners which by now I know have such immense effect on the target especially soft ones. I said "beauty lies in the heart of the beholder" My changed one liner hit the bulls eye and thus opened the door to her heart .There was no stopping us now.

We started with chats on Sundays. I used to wait for weekends. We chatted for long. It was as if we could talk about anything under the sun. Soon we were writing mails. In all the talks, the fact that warmed me was her caring nature. She could love almost everything. I just could not get enough of her. I saved up enough, borrowed, begged and finally manage to buy a computer with internet service. My indulgence was turning into a very costly affair. But no one has ever complained after eating the apple though paradise was lost. My excitement knew no bounds as once a week was turning into a daily activity. She was a joy to talk to. She never failed to make me feel at the top of the world. Her simple but serene way of living, thinking behaving made me more attached than attracted to her every day. We communicated a lot and letter our hearts do the talking. We soon exchanged phone numbers. She became very close, I had as on not seen her. Somehow she felt very familiar even though it was a virtual relation.

I made up my mind to meet her and landed in her city. I endured all the cost with the hope of getting to be with her, meet her, and see her. She in her usual exuberance expressed her joy in having me in her city but politely refused to meet me. Two days in a nearby hotel and she did not even let me have a glimpse of her. Very God fearing and obedient she did not want to hurt her parents. After a few sightseeing I returned back to my city but never got to see her. Somehow I was not angry, disappointed maybe but respected her decision. After my return I continued with our virtual affair. She texted, she called, she mailed and I patiently waited for her move, it was safer than my initiative. I used to sleep into the night   with my phone so as not miss her calls. Hilarious as it may seem, in the morning I usually found myself clutching the alarm clock to my ears, not sure how it ended up there.  One of the reasons could be that it might have rung and I subconsciously put it to my ears. I was all of 26. People might smirk at my foolishness but then childishness has no age.

Life was good, job, wages carefree life food, drinks and entertainment. Then tsunami struck...It struck the southern coast of India and while people were reeling under its effect, a personal tsunami struck me. “Why don't you talk about our marriage to my parents”? Sweet as usual but my ears felt hot, I went completely blank my carefree bubble just burst "you could speak to my mom" she continued. I suddenly feigned an incomplete job and cut the call. I sat thinking. I was not afraid of relationship I was afraid of commitment. I did not believe I had the courage to stand by committed relations. It was impossible to keep my 'wanderlust' in control. I loved to wander in the territory of love. I never let her know but even if she was the heroine of my story I had character actors secretly stacked away to fill in the gaps when she was not available. I just could not let go a good chance to have fun. Now this was bad. Who marries at 26 or ever for that matter?

Next day she called as usual. I was back to my chirpy mood but was weary of the possibility of the M word popping out. What puzzled me was she never spoke about it again. After a week or so she casually give me the landline number of her residence I took the cue. Not to dishearten her I called her home that weekend. I introduced myself to her parents. I spoke of everything but marriage. Then it became and occasionally affair, if I could not get her personally I would call her home and have a chat with her mother. Her mother was equally talkative and kept me entertained .a simple lady with lots to say.

Soon my girl realized that I was only beating about the bush with no serious intentions. She asked me once more if I considered marriage. I soberly justified with the age factor, asked her to wait. She got the message. Suddenly I was caught up with lot of official work. She too became busy. Before long the once strong communication started fading and dwindled to a stop. To pick up the threads once again after a long time, called her residence. Her mother pleasant and loving informed me "she's getting married" In the end she added "son never call back again" I understood a mother's heart and obliged. After the call I found myself smiling.

I felt free. A forced commitment would have led to unhappiness for all ...And a person as good as her definitely deserved someone better I blessed her with my whole heart and when I received the invite, sent her a loving message with a gift. I celebrated that night. I drank to her marriage and fulfilment. With her happy memories locked away, I resumed my wanderings

Years later like a gentle breeze she drifted into my life once again. She still had the power to soothe me .Her voice caressed me .In her gentle and caring voice she enquired about me. She had a son and a second child soon to come, then. She was happy in her life, I realized. she deserved to be. I never let her know but she was the most beautiful soul I had ever known

That night I celebrated.

I drank

I drank to her beauty.