"I
am not beautiful" flashed on the screen. I stared at it for a while. I was
amused, a little moved by this heartfelt declaration. Who was this girl, I
wondered who opened up, what she thought was her flaw to a Perfect Stranger on Chat.
Chats-
yes! My lifeline to relationships .It was at that time when India was slowly
opening its eyes to the internet. Computer owners were few. Internet service
providers minted money through cyber cafes that mushroomed at every junction in
cities. Cyber cafe became synonyms with chats for bachelors like me who used to
get instant gratification of virtual friends with the blessing of No Strings
Attached. So after working my best for 6 week days I made a beeline to the
nearest cyber cafe. Every Sunday avoiding the disapproving glances of regular
Church goers, I, headed towards my 'Church'
Yahoo
messenger had picked up very well and I could see the rise in the number of
online chats. Many were available online and the moment you login they rush
into your space to know your ASL (age, sex, location) the first preference
being sex. The rest were negotiable. I been no different enjoyed chatting with
the sweeter gender. It was during such times when she came along. I promptly typed
"ASL please" and she said--- I am not beautiful. I pride myself on my
ability for one liners which by now I know have such immense effect on the
target especially soft ones. I said "beauty lies in the heart of the
beholder" My changed one liner hit the bulls eye and thus opened the door to
her heart .There was no stopping us now.
We
started with chats on Sundays. I used to wait for weekends. We chatted for
long. It was as if we could talk about anything under the sun. Soon we were writing
mails. In all the talks, the fact that warmed me was her caring nature. She
could love almost everything. I just could not get enough of her. I saved up
enough, borrowed, begged and finally manage to buy a computer with
internet service. My indulgence was turning into a very costly affair. But
no one has ever complained after eating the apple though paradise was lost. My
excitement knew no bounds as once a week was turning into a daily
activity. She was a joy to talk to. She never failed to make me feel at
the top of the world. Her simple but serene way of living, thinking
behaving made me more attached than attracted to her every day. We communicated
a lot and letter our hearts do the talking. We soon exchanged phone numbers.
She became very close, I had as on not seen her. Somehow she felt very familiar
even though it was a virtual relation.
I
made up my mind to meet her and landed in her city. I endured all the cost with
the hope of getting to be with her, meet her, and see her. She in her usual exuberance
expressed her joy in having me in her city but politely refused to meet me. Two
days in a nearby hotel and she did not even let me have a glimpse of her. Very
God fearing and obedient she did not want to hurt her parents. After a few sightseeing
I returned back to my city but never got to see her. Somehow I was not angry, disappointed
maybe but respected her decision. After my return I continued with our virtual
affair. She texted, she called, she mailed and I patiently waited for her move,
it was safer than my initiative. I used to sleep into the night
with my phone so as not miss her calls. Hilarious as it may seem, in
the morning I usually found myself clutching the alarm clock to my ears, not
sure how it ended up there. One of the reasons could be that it might
have rung and I subconsciously put it to my ears. I was all of 26. People might
smirk at my foolishness but then childishness has no age.
Life
was good, job, wages carefree life food, drinks and entertainment. Then
tsunami struck...It struck the southern coast of India and while people were
reeling under its effect, a personal tsunami struck me. “Why don't you talk
about our marriage to my parents”? Sweet as usual but my ears felt hot, I went
completely blank my carefree bubble just burst "you could speak to my
mom" she continued. I suddenly feigned an incomplete job and cut the call.
I sat thinking. I was not afraid of relationship I was afraid of commitment. I
did not believe I had the courage to stand by committed relations. It was
impossible to keep my 'wanderlust' in control. I loved to wander in the
territory of love. I never let her know but even if she was the heroine of my
story I had character actors secretly stacked away to fill in the gaps when she
was not available. I just could not let go a good chance to have fun. Now this
was bad. Who marries at 26 or ever for that matter?
Next
day she called as usual. I was back to my chirpy mood but was weary of the
possibility of the M word popping out. What puzzled me was she never spoke
about it again. After a week or so she casually give me the landline number of
her residence I took the cue. Not to dishearten her I called her home that
weekend. I introduced myself to her parents. I spoke of everything but
marriage. Then it became and occasionally affair, if I could not get her
personally I would call her home and have a chat with her mother.
Her mother was equally talkative and kept me entertained .a simple lady
with lots to say.
Soon
my girl realized that I was only beating about the bush with no serious
intentions. She asked me once more if I considered marriage. I soberly justified
with the age factor, asked her to wait. She got the message. Suddenly I was
caught up with lot of official work. She too became busy. Before long the once
strong communication started fading and dwindled to a stop. To pick up the
threads once again after a long time, called her residence. Her mother pleasant
and loving informed me "she's getting married" In the end she added
"son never call back again" I understood a mother's heart and
obliged. After the call I found myself smiling.
I
felt free. A forced commitment would have led to unhappiness for all
...And a person as good as her definitely deserved someone better I blessed her
with my whole heart and when I received the invite, sent her a loving message
with a gift. I celebrated that night. I drank to her marriage and fulfilment.
With her happy memories locked away, I resumed my wanderings
Years
later like a gentle breeze she drifted into my life once again. She still had
the power to soothe me .Her voice caressed me .In her gentle and caring
voice she enquired about me. She had a son and a second child soon to come, then.
She was happy in her life, I realized. she deserved to be. I never let her know
but she was the most beautiful soul I had ever known
That
night I celebrated.
I
drank
I
drank to her beauty.
