One
of the fleeting memories of my childhood---- I on the Guava tree with my
younger sibling for company. I can still hear my mom calling out for me not out
of love but frustration. Guava tree never fascinated me but the safety of
its tallest branch did. I could commit any waywardness and still manage
the getaway. Sometimes I gave in. After every incident I promised my round
faced red flushed up mother to be ever obedient to her. A promise she knew I
would never keep at least not till I grew up. She soon lost hope but her
instructions and patronizing remained. I too never lost hope on
myself I listened to disobey. My obedience to myself is how I justified
it. I listened only to myself.
My
unique trait fetched me many friends. They all found me very entertaining,
especially my one liners. They used to be amused by it. But not for long. It
irked them when I never listened to anything they said. Every relation they said,
needed consideration understanding and obedience but all their words fell on my
deaf ears. I was not ready to act or say anything against what I felt was
right. So I never listened to anyone of them. After one such argument with
friends over certain condition where there was a unanimous Yes towards a
certain solution. I was 'outstanding' with a No. Somewhere 'Myself,' did not
like to agree so I disagreed. They called me selfish....I immediately retorted
'He who does not belong to self belongs to none’. My friends took my one liner
too seriously, I was indeed left with none. And I got a new mantle....Rude…!
It is really
surprising how I still retain my job. As far as I remember I have never been a ’Yes
boss'. On the contrary it was more of often a No. My boss too tried to
reform me. Gentle reminders and reprimands climaxed to memos. Still I
fanatically listened only to me. Soon he realized, either his way or mine, as long
as the job was getting done it shouldn't be a matter of concern and soon I was
left victoriously alone...But not before he suggested me to the office
counsellor.
I
won't say life is a smooth ride. My obedience to self has landed me in problems
and wrong decisions. I don't repent nor had blame, after all every act of mine stemmed
from self-love. Speaking of love I did manage to impress a girl even with this
temperament. I might have shown her a very sober side of me else there is no
other reason for her to commit. She decided to marry me at her own risk. Maybe
she fell for the age old tradition that the wife can make the husband listen to
her .So armed with this wifely knowledge she tried her best .Here I have to
accept that it was always done with good intentions. It was for a better or
healthier me more disciplined and fit. I patiently listened to everything she
had to say and then smiled the very smile she fell for. Only this time she was
exasperated, she realized that this was a smile that sealed the topic with a
'No- I won't listen to you' she gave up and let me have my way and I am back to
obeying myself.
Then I
met someone just like me -- obedient. She was crazy enough to like my disobedience.
Birds of same feather applied here and we were friends. Soon chats and calls
enlivened our friendship. She became my special someone.....Wish could say all
this.
Yaa....
Absolutely special.....She was the counsellor for special needs in our office
to whom my boss had directed me to....
And
so I and my 'special someone' started our sessions..... I was back to being me.
I never listened to any of her instructions. I tried my winning smile with her.
She promptly laughed back. It was my turn to be exasperated. Whatever she asked
of me I disobeyed and her smile told me she was loving it. She loved it when I
did not listen to her. This was cheating. She was taking away my glory. The
satisfaction that I felt when I proved that I only listened to self, used to
dim in her bright smile. She continued instructing and directing my course and
my fav retort in her case was 'when do I listen to u'.
This
went on for 6 months. She seemed to enjoy my case. She neither gave up like my
mother nor leave like my friends. She didn't ignore or reform either. She
simply accepted my disobedience. Each session burnt a hole in my pocket but she
never gave up. It was as if she wanted me to disobey. I soon realized my
disobedience was her gain. Someone really loved my disobedience.
I was
fooled. Not to cover down I faced her, accused her of not treating me
properly...... Nothing was working, I complained..... Only I was losing out on
money. I huffed and puffed all I could.
She
kept a calm, smiled and said, “how will it work"
